Happy In The Mess

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Be me.

Letting go.

The experiment of life.

Breaking rules doing what works for you.

Happy in the mess.

Learning to be happy, to truly have joy, even if life is falling apart around me.

I have made some terrible decisions of late. I’m in debt, cash flow is less than it has been in a ling time, my wife is sick of me. You name it and it sucks. But, I am learning to be happy in the now, in the circumstances, regardless of what is going on. It’s the only way out of the mess for me. Be content and find joy where I am now, right now. The cliche that happiness is not a destination, it’s the way. The reason cliches exist is because they are usually true.

If I keep waiting to get to point X in my life to enjoy this life, I will never enjoy it. Depression is a bitch. I a terrible master of darkness that feeds on the lies we believe. That I can’t be happy. That life sucks if I don’t have this or that or do this or that. It fuels the pressure to be what we are not, and the churns that vicious cycle over and over, compounding the depths of despair.

I’m not talking about ignoring the depression, or not dealing with the crap in life. You can choose how you deal with and react to things, but you still have to deal with that stuff. It’s ok to be down when something bad happens. Not grieving when I should have been grieving is part of the reason I got in the mess in the first place. But, recognizing the mess for what it is, a circumstance, and then doing what needs to be done to get out, to move forward, to live, that is what I am saying.

For me, that means getting out of the isolation of my head and hanging with friends. Doing stuff that scares me. Hitting publish even though I’m not ready. I guess that’s living life.